Movie! ‘Hard Rock Zombies’

If ‘Hard Rock Zombies’ was a Top Trumps card, it would be the card that you played every time you were deciding on ‘worst horror movie ever’. What’s more, you would win every time. Having said that though, if this film was a Top Trumps card I’d consider playing it for ‘funniest horror moment’ as well. Let me explain…
‘Hard Rock Zombies’ is the story of a rock band that is brutally slain at the hands of that ‘strange family from just outside town’. Luckily for them, the lead singer was working on a song that can bring the dead back to life and this is used to get them out of the grave to take revenge on the ‘strange family’ (and play their gig in front of the music mogul). However, zombies always seem to result in more zombies and pretty soon the whole town is munching on humans…
Where do I start with what is wrong with this film? Is it the fact that it cannot decide whether it wants to be ‘horror comedy’ or if it’s an extended promotional video for 80’s MTV (they insist on playing all the songs at full length and having a zombie dance to them)? Is it the fact that the lead singer, of the band, displays a clearly unhealthy obsession with the blatantly underage heroine? Could it be down to the film budget being the result of a ‘whip round’ and a raid on some little kid’s piggy bank? The introduction of Hitler (no, really) is pretty cool but to have him say most of his lines in German will alienate a large chunk of the audience… Oh yes, there’s also the fact that this is not in the least bit scary at all.
While ‘Hard Rock Zombies’ is very much a film to laugh at while drunk there were some bits that did make me laugh for the right reasons. Have you ever seen a zombie dwarf try to eat a cow? You will if you watch this film. Efforts to defeat zombies by using psychology are also quite funny. What has to be the funniest moment though is when we get to see another zombie dwarf eat himself over the course of the film. Well, the little guy was hungry and there was fresh meat (sort of) right there for the taking…
‘Hard Rock Zombies’ will be the worst horror film you ever see but it’s fun at the same time. Don’t go searching this one out but it’s good for a laugh if you happen to catch it on TV.